A metacracy is like a meritocracy only more meta. It is a system of non-government in which individuals who have accumulated more wealth, power, and influence than anyone could possibly need are rewarded for their extraordinary achievements by being promoted to positions of even greater prestige, public adoration, and ceremonial importance, where they can do considerably less harm. Under Metacracy, no ambition goes unrewarded, no ego goes unflattered, and no concentration of power goes unredistributed.

A system in which an unlimited number of kings and queens may simultaneously reign, provided none is allowed to rule. Unlike traditional monarchies, which restrict the throne to one royal backside at a time, a Pluarchy accommodates as many royal backsides as the nation can afford to seat. Under Pluarchy, every king and queen gets a crown and a throne. And every citizen gets the satisfaction of knowing that none of them can tell anyone what to do.

The Pluarchy Hierarchy, in ascending order of accumulated wealth surrendered in exchange for honors received:

• Duke / Duchess
• Prince / Princess
• King / Queen
• Superior King / Queen
• Exalted Superior King / Queen
• Most Exalted Superior King / Queen
• Supremely Exalted Most Superior King / Queen
• Incomparably Supreme, Most Exalted, Magnificently Superior King / Queen

The official slogan of the Pluarchy is: More Kings—Less Power™

The functional, ceremonial, social, and economic equivalent of Nobility, with all the crowns, castles, titles, privileges, pomp, circumstance, and taxpayer-funded extravagance appertaining thereto, but without constituting Nobility as prohibited by Article I, Section 9 of the Constitution. The distinction is legally indisputable because Noblety is spelled with an e, whereas Nobility is spelled with an i. Any court unable to appreciate this distinction shall be presumed to require additional spelling lessons.

A personal, nonhereditary, trademark-protected designation, including King, Queen, Duke, Duchess, and such increasingly extravagant titles as may be necessary to accommodate the recipient’s wealth, accomplishments, and insatiable appetite for admiration. Titles shall not pass to descendants, spouses, or household pets. Every American must earn their own Noblety, although inheriting a billion dollars may provide a head start.

The highest distinction awarded to an individual whose extraordinary accumulation of wealth, power, or influence has qualified them for compulsory promotion into ceremonial irrelevance.

In recognition of achievements beyond the reach of ordinary mortals, the following specialized Noble Prizes are hereby established:

• Noble Peace Prize: Awarded to individuals whose relinquishment of military or political authority substantially improves the prospects for world peace. Unlike the Nobel Peace Prize, recipients need not have done anything to promote peace while in office. Leaving office is sufficient.
• Noble Prize in Geography: Awarded to individuals who demonstrate the extraordinary ability to rename oceans, gulfs, mountains, or entire countries without the inconvenience of obtaining the consent of their inhabitants, neighboring nations, or professional geographers.
• Noble Prize in Science: Awarded to individuals who advance scientific knowledge by replacing inconvenient scientific conclusions with more agreeable ones through executive decree, thereby eliminating the expense and uncertainty of further research.
• Noble Prize in Mathematics: Awarded to individuals who demonstrate that mathematics need not be constrained by arithmetic. For example, declaring π equal to 3 would reduce the circumference of every circle by approximately 4.5%, producing enormous savings in fencing, plumbing, and the manufacture of wedding rings.

Additional Noble Prizes may be established in Economics, Medicine, Literature, and other disciplines whenever an individual demonstrates that sufficient political authority can eliminate the need for specialized knowledge.

All Noble Prize recipients shall receive a gold plated medal, an additional Royal Allowance, and the nation’s heartfelt gratitude for agreeing to stop making decisions on its behalf.

Nobel Prizes recognize people who change our understanding of the world. Noble Prizes recognize people who believe they can change the world by changing our understanding of it.

Nobel Prize Disqualification: Any recipient of a Nobel Prize shall immediately forfeit all Noble Prizes previously awarded and become permanently ineligible for future Noble Prizes. Demonstrated excellence in science, literature, economics, or the promotion of peace is fundamentally incompatible with the standards of Metacratic Noblety.

Ig Nobel Prize Eligibility: Recipients of Noble Prizes shall remain fully eligible for Ig Nobel Prizes, which recognize achievements that first make people laugh, then make them think. Indeed, recipients are encouraged to pursue both honors, provided that laughing is done behind the back and thinking does not interfere with ceremonial responsibilities.

Note: In the event that an individual receives both a Nobel and an Ig Nobel Prize, the Office of Metacratic Noblety shall investigate whether the individual has been thinking too much or working too hard.

A new federal agency responsible for identifying, registering, and classifying Americans who have accumulated sufficient wealth, power, influence, or self-importance to warrant compulsory elevation to Noblety. Registration shall be mandatory, although individuals may be registered without their knowledge or consent.

The compulsory induction of qualified individuals into the Noble Class, requiring the immediate surrender of excess wealth, political authority, and any remaining pretensions to indispensability. No deferments shall be granted for bone spurs, pending elections, unfinished business deals, or claims that the nation cannot survive without the inductee’s leadership.

Qny attempt to evade, resist, postpone, or otherwise interfere with induction into the Noble Class. Noblety Dodging shall constitute a federal felony punishable by lifetime imprisonment without possibility of parole, together with a fine equal to 100% of the offender’s current net worth and all future earnings. Payment of the fine shall not relieve the offender of the obligation to accept Noblety. The sentence may be commuted at any time upon the offender’s unconditional acceptance of a crown, title, lifetime allowance, and comprehensive healthcare benefits.

The lifetime compensation provided to a member of the Noble Class in recognition of the substantial sacrifices required by ceremonial service.

The OMN is responsible for identifying Americans whose wealth, power, influence, or ego has grown dangerously disproportionate to their usefulness; drafting them into the Noble Class; assigning suitably flattering titles; organizing extravagant coronations; establishing royal allowances; and relieving recipients of the burdens of excessive wealth and political responsibility.

The OMN shall coordinate with the Department of the Treasury to collect excess wealth; the Department of War to enforce the Noblety Draft; the Department of Homeland Security to apprehend Noblety Dodgers; the Internal Revenue Service to ensure that no billionaire is left behind; the Department of Commerce to promote royal tourism; and the United States Patent and Trademark Office to ensure that even the most ridiculous royal title can be profitably exploited.

The department will list all registered royals, their titles, allowances, accumulated honors, estimated net worth, and dates of their next anticipated confiscation and promotion.

No child shall inherit a parent’s title, although inherited wealth may greatly accelerate the child’s eligibility for compulsory elevation.

Each shall enjoy the exclusive right to their complete registered title. There may therefore be a King Donald J. Trump, a King Elon Musk, and a King Jeff Bezos, provided that none claims to be the only king and none attempts to govern anything more consequential than the seating arrangements at their coronation.

Any resulting profits shall be reinvested in the promotion of American Noblety, thereby ensuring that the program becomes increasingly expensive as it becomes increasingly successful.

The Grand High Commissioner is strictly prohibited from accepting a Title of Noblety himself. Should the Commissioner accumulate exces, who shall exercise sweeping authority over the nation’s most powerful individuals while beisive wealth or power, immediate promotion and replacement shall be mandatory.

Unlike ordinary trademarks, which require evidence of commercial use, Titles of Noblety shall be registered automatically upon elevation, thereby eliminating the inconvenience of having to invent, manufacture, or sell anything before claiming exclusive rights to it.

While the titles King, Queen, Duke, and Duchess shall remain available to all qualified recipients, the combination of title and personal name shall be the exclusive property of its registered holder.

Additionally, he may has exlculsive rights to any other branded products his marketing department can con the public to purchasing.

Note, the production and sale of superior products will recieve special scrutiny.

Should a member of the Noble Class once again accumulate extraordinary wealth, the Office of Metacratic Noblety shall promptly confiscate the excess, award an additional Noble Prize, increase the recipient’s lifetime Royal Allowance, and register an even grander title.

No member of the Noble Class shall hold, seek, purchase, inherit, or otherwise acquire elected or appointed political office. Members shall be permanently relieved of all governing responsibilities, including the burdens of reading legislation, understanding budgets, respecting judicial decisions, and pretending to listen to constituents.

Elevation to Noblety shall constitute immediate and permanent promotion from political office to a position of vastly greater prestige and infinitely less responsibility. No acceptance, resignation, concession speech, or acknowledgment of defeat shall be required.

Members of the Noble Class shall retain unrestricted rights to express opinions, issue proclamations, hold press conferences, publish memoirs, appear on television, endorse products, insult their successors, and explain how much better everything would be if they were still in charge.

Members may issue Royal Executive Orders on any subject whatsoever. Such orders may be printed on official stationery, embossed with gold seals, and announced at elaborate press conferences, but shall have no more legal authority than a restaurant menu. Federal agencies shall be under no obligation to read them.

For purposes of all official communications, elevation shall be described exclusively as promotion. The terms removal, impeachment, forced resignation, electoral defeat, and getting kicked out shall be replaced by advancement to higher ceremonial responsibilities.

For purposes of all official communications, elevation shall be described exclusively as promotion. The terms removal, impeachment, forced resignation, electoral defeat, and getting kicked out shall be replaced by advancement to higher ceremonial responsibilities.

Recipients shall be encouraged to characterize their elevation as the greatest victory of their careers. The Office of Metacratic Noblety shall provide professionally written victory speeches, supportive audiences, commemorative merchandise, and, upon request, estimates of crowd size substantially exceeding actual attendance.

To ensure a dignified transition, newly elevated royals shall be entitled to a farewell address of unlimited length. Once the address has exceeded three hours, television networks may substitute reruns of previous speeches without notifying the speaker.

The Presidency of the United States shall be prerequesite to becoming King. Powerful and wealthy people can be elevated to the Noble Claass as a Duke, Dutchess, Prince, or Princess, at which time they are prohibited from participating in the political system, therby preventing them from ever becoming King. This allows the Office of Metacratic Noblety™ to elevate candidates out of the running so the citizens are never again exposed to rule by leaders with actually experience in politics or public service.

Elevation to Noblety shall constitute a mandatory obligation of citizenship, comparable in dignity and necessity to compulsory military service. Throughout American history, ordinary citizens have been called upon to risk their lives defending their country. Under AMP™, extraordinary citizens shall be called upon to make an equally patriotic sacrifice: surrendering their power and excess wealth in exchange for crowns, castles, lifetime allowances, comprehensive healthcare, and the unconditional admiration of the Office of Metacratic Noblety.

No person selected for elevation shall have the right to decline. The United States recognizes no constitutional right to remain excessively wealthy, powerful, or indispensable when one’s country desperately needs another king.

Any individual refusing, evading, delaying, or otherwise resisting compulsory elevation shall be guilty of Noblety Dodging, a federal felony punishable by lifetime imprisonment without possibility of parole and a fine equal to 100 percent of the offender’s current net worth and all future earnings. Acceptance of Noblety shall constitute grounds for immediate commutation of the prison sentence, but not for refund of the fine.

No deferments shall be granted for educational enrollment, medical conditions, bone spurs, pending elections, ongoing mergers, unfinished golf tournaments, or the need to complete one final business deal.

Transfer of assets to spouses, children, corporations, offshore trusts, charitable foundations, shell companies, or household pets shall not relieve any individual of their obligation to serve.

Any individual claiming to be indispensable to the functioning of the nation, the economy, the stock market, national security, or civilization itself shall receive priority consideration for immediate elevation. Repeated assertions that “only I can fix it” shall constitute conclusive evidence that the speaker must be relieved of the opportunity to make a difference.

Persons selected for compulsory elevation shall receive an official notice stating: “Congratulations! Your country has determined that you have done quite enough.” The notice shall specify the recipient’s new title, reporting date, coronation venue, allowance, healthcare benefits, and deadline for surrendering excess assets and political authority.

The Noblety Draft shall operate without regard to race, religion, sex, political affiliation, or party registration. Republicans, Democrats, Independents, and those wealthy enough to buy off substantial portions of all three shall be equally eligible for compulsory service.

Individuals failing to appear for their coronation shall be apprehended and transported to the ceremony under appropriate security arrangements. Handcuffs shall be removed before the crown is placed upon the recipient’s head, and official photographs shall be taken only after all visible signs of resistance have been concealed.

(a) A lifetime Royal Allowance;

(b) Comprehensive healthcare benefits;

(c) Appropriate ceremonial attire, including a crown;

(d) Access to suitable ceremonial residences and facilities;

(e) Official participation in parades, ribbon-cuttings, exhibitions, and tourism promotions;

(f) The right to commercial exploitation of their registered royal designation; and

(g) Such additional privileges as may be necessary to maintain the dignity of their station.